Content, Comfortable, or Both
In September, Jordan and I will celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary.
Nearly five years of marriage means that I have lived in Beulah for almost five years. And can I tell you a some honest truth? When I first moved to this little town in western North Dakota, I was counting down the years until it was time to move. I admittedly belonged to the camp that viewed youth ministry as a "stepping stone" towards seminary. Jordan would put in his time (sounds like a jail sentence, doesn't it?) in youth ministry - hopefully reach his goal of an eight-year ministry cycle - and then we would go on to "bigger", "better" things. We'd move back to the Twin Cities for at least three years while he attended seminary classes. And then? Just like I never planned or imagined much of my life after AFLBS, I didn't think much about what happened next. It was just the getting out of Beulah and back to the Cities that I was focused on.
Admittedly - and unfortunately - I lived with this attitude for the first year and a half of our marriage. It wasn't until I was convicted through a sermon by Pete Brisco that I hadn't unpacked my bags yet. (To read more about that particular conviction, check out this blog I wrote: http://grounded317.blogspot.com/2011/03/you-gotta-unpack-your-bags.html.)
But I like our small town. I love our church family. Though I haven't met a "bosom buddy" in Beulah, I have grown friendships. I am blessed by the people here. We own our little home. I am able to stay at home with our son. And the thought of seminary? Of living in the Twin Cities? Or of even living in my hometown of Sioux Falls?
I don't want it.
It's amazing how much can change in simply four and a half years, isn't it?
But here's where I'm at now. What I fear.
And there is always this part of me that fears that once I reach that place of complete contentment, that will be when the Lord throws in the curve ball.
I wish I had the answers. But as I wrestle through what it looks like to be content and what it means to be comfortable, I am finding peace and strength in the One in whom I find my contentment. No matter where I live.
That's crazy. And it makes me feel old.Maybe it's because I didn't really imagine much of my life after graduating high school and attending AFLBS. I knew I wanted to get married. That I wanted to have kids. But other than that? Not much planned or imagined. I didn't have plans of where I would live. What kind of job my husband would have. What we would do for fun on Friday nights.
Nearly five years of marriage means that I have lived in Beulah for almost five years. And can I tell you a some honest truth? When I first moved to this little town in western North Dakota, I was counting down the years until it was time to move. I admittedly belonged to the camp that viewed youth ministry as a "stepping stone" towards seminary. Jordan would put in his time (sounds like a jail sentence, doesn't it?) in youth ministry - hopefully reach his goal of an eight-year ministry cycle - and then we would go on to "bigger", "better" things. We'd move back to the Twin Cities for at least three years while he attended seminary classes. And then? Just like I never planned or imagined much of my life after AFLBS, I didn't think much about what happened next. It was just the getting out of Beulah and back to the Cities that I was focused on.
Admittedly - and unfortunately - I lived with this attitude for the first year and a half of our marriage. It wasn't until I was convicted through a sermon by Pete Brisco that I hadn't unpacked my bags yet. (To read more about that particular conviction, check out this blog I wrote: http://grounded317.blogspot.com/2011/03/you-gotta-unpack-your-bags.html.)
Fast forward four and a half years to the present. Now, instead of counting down the years left in Beulah, simply enduring our time here, I cringe at the thought of leaving.Don't get me wrong: It's still hard to live 500 miles from my parents and 750 from Jordan's. To have siblings scattered around that we see far less often than we'd like. There are many times I wish the nearest Target wasn't 80 miles away. I only get to see some of my dearest friends a handful of times a year. There are challenges in the youth ministry.
But I like our small town. I love our church family. Though I haven't met a "bosom buddy" in Beulah, I have grown friendships. I am blessed by the people here. We own our little home. I am able to stay at home with our son. And the thought of seminary? Of living in the Twin Cities? Or of even living in my hometown of Sioux Falls?
I don't want it.
It's amazing how much can change in simply four and a half years, isn't it?
But here's where I'm at now. What I fear.
Am I content? Or am I comfortable?Is there a difference? What does it look like to be content? To proclaim along with Paul, "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am" (Philippians 4:11)? Is it okay to be comfortable where we are living, where we are serving? I know I'm not supposed to be comfortable in my faith -- that I should always be learning, always growing, always being challenged. But can I be both content and comfortable? Or is it one or the other?
And there is always this part of me that fears that once I reach that place of complete contentment, that will be when the Lord throws in the curve ball.
I wish I had the answers. But as I wrestle through what it looks like to be content and what it means to be comfortable, I am finding peace and strength in the One in whom I find my contentment. No matter where I live.
"I said to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; I have no good besides You. . .The LORD is my portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot . . . I have set the LORD continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices; my flesh also will dwell securely . . . You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever." - Psalm 16: 2, 4, 8-9, 11 (emphasis mine)
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